Sacred Self-Love

I was on a retreat recently and someone said, “Fear is a lack of self love.” No blanket statement can really hold well under scrutiny, but it gave me food for thought. I wasn’t able to love myself as a man, because I’m not one. In Second Life, I’m able to love myself as a woman because I can fully express as one. Can I love myself as a trans-woman though?

Many spiritual people will tell you that liminal* moments are sacred moments. One of the reasons we have ritual (weddings, funerals, graduations) is to mark these moments as sacred. Well ~ we (Trans folk) are liminal PEOPLE. We are SACRED beings (I mean everyone’s sacred – but I’m making a point here.) “All is impermanence”, the Buddha said, which is another way of saying everything is fluid – even gender.

The sacred is often not comforting. Serenity does not mean feeling better. Giving birth is a bloody and painful thing. Yet I am convinced that in the Holy is love. Can I love my holiness knowing how much it challenges, outrages, and terrifies others? It seems to be the next challenge on my spiritual journey…

*liminal: of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition.

Two Weeks Ago, I Wore Boobs.

I just wanted to post a celebration of wearing hand-me-down breast forms when I went out dancing a couple weeks ago. Trinity gave them to me since she has grown her own breasts by now. I have not, in dressing to my gender orientation, made any efforts to “pass.” I have not, for example, worn any foundation or shaved anything except my face. I have not gone out with any padding anywhere. I pretty much look like a man in a dress, though that’s not how I identify. So the idea of wearing breast forms seemed odd in this context.

But that’s not how it felt. I felt remarkably natural wearing them. Some subliminal voice was saying, “of course I should have breasts.” It was interesting to be carrying the extra weight around (and gave me new sympathy for the well endowed). The only point at which the "connection" I was feeling with them was broken was when my chest sweated heavily and the sweat was trapped between. Dancing, though, was great! I have to learn how to shimmy now *giggle*

It seems a simple thing to be all excited about but *shrugs*